So after my recent divorce, I was having trouble and still do letting my children go to see their Dad. Our marriage ended as a result of domestic abuse and I don't ever want my girls subjected to any of the things that I endured while married. I was super excited to read Out of the Fog: Divorce Coping Strategies when your children's Father has a Personality Disorder by Lisa Kroulik. This book discusses Lisa's personal struggle with dealing with her Ex specifically. This involved times when she would cover for him when he would bail on the children and other extreme situations.
One day she had finally had enough and decided that he was a big boy and needed to handle things himself. Unfortunately, she was still the one who was always left to clean up the mess or comfort her disappointed children. Feels like the same boat I have found myself in more times than I can count. While reading this book, I found myself reading about each disorder, saying to myself, "Yes, he shows traits of this one and traits of that one". I also found that I have a few traits myself as I know I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.
As far as our children are concerned he has good and bad days like us all. However, when he is having a bad day or when he has something to do on one of the weekend days that he is supposed to take them, he wants to change the entire weekend instead of getting a sitter or even just letting me have them during that time frame as I constantly offer. I will not change weekends, since it is a set schedule and we all need to have that consistent!.
Lisa was lucky in a sense that her children were much older than mine are when she divorced their father. But I agree with her in some sense that the less contact I have with my Ex, the better. I recently went through a situation with him where he needed me to find some paper work that was in the house we had together (now mine). Being a nice person since I knew he needed this to get himself out of yet another mess, I looked for the info. and when it turned out to be incorrect, I still looked again but couldn't locate it. He wanted me to call the places for him to obtain the information he needed and I had to finally put a stop to it. He got himself into the situation and I am not there to help clean up the mess anymore.
Available for purchase: Out of the Fog
Recommendation: I think this is a fantastic book to read if you are divorced or even if you are having some trouble in your relationship. Although it isn't going to fix anything it will definitely let you know that it is not your fault that your ex acts they way they do, and sad but true they will never change. I did enjoy this book and it helped me to understand that I probably do continue to give my ex the benefit of doubt that he is going to change and he is going to put his girls first, only to be let down, which is also not a good cycle for me to be in.
Twitter:@lisakroulik
Pinterest: Lisa Kroulik
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